What is Abuse

• An abusive relationship describes a relationship where one person consistently and constantly uses tactics to psychologically, physically, financially, emotionally, and sexually control and have power over another person. A relationship that is considered to have domestic violence is a relationship where there is an imbalance of power.  – defined by the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Crossing the Line

If any of the following are happening in your relationship, then it is a relationship with a serious problem.

• Physical Abuse – Pushing, hitting, kicking, choking, suffocating, spitting, grabbing, anything that is physical touch that is unwelcome.
• Verbal Abuse – Screaming, cursing, name calling, negative comments about the other person’s appearance, likes, or interest.
• Threats – Threatening to harm or kill you or your loved ones (including pets). Threatening to take things from you (money, medication, sleep, house, kids, friends, freedom)
• Destruction of Property – Whether it's yours, theirs, or both, if they are breaking items to try and control you or scare you this is not safe.
• Control – Keeping you from leaving a room or home. Not allowing you to have access to a phone if you need help. Not allowing you to have access to food, medication, or finances.
• If you have observed some of these behaviors, and don’t feel like your life is in jeopardy, please seek out a trusted adult that cares about your well-being and speak with them on your options. These behaviors need to be stopped immediately.
• You may also seek out professional help about how to handle your unhealthy relationship.
• If your relationship has some of these behaviors above, and you are fearful for your life, please get to a safe location and call 911.

Red Flags of Potential Abuse

• Someone who insists on moving too quickly into a relationship

• Someone who does not honor your boundaries
• A partner who is excessively jealous or possessive

• Someone who criticizes or makes negative comments about your appearance

• Someone who’s words and actions do not go together

• Someone who does not take responsibility for their behavior

• Someone who blames others for their failures and difficulties

• Anyone who has history of battering

• Someone who grew up in an abusive, violent home

• Someone who has stereotypical views of sex roles

• Someone who tells you how you should feel or tried to talk you out of your feelings

• Anyone who makes frequent and harsh derogatory remarks about others

*******Many of these listed signs of abuse may not indicate potential abusive behavior. It is important for you to not dismiss these red flags and take time to explore them further. It may be helpful to take time to get to know a potential partner of abuse by watching for patterns of behavior in a variety of settings.

Elements of Physical Abuse  

• Pushing or shoving
• Slapping or biting

• Kicking or choking

• Hitting or punching

• Throwing object at partner

• Holding partner or preventing her from leaving

• Locking partner in/out of the house

• Abandoning partner in a dangerous place

• Threatening or hurting the partner with a weapon 

Dynamics of Domestic Violence and Elements of Emotional Abuse

• Continually criticizes, calls names, or shouts at partner
• Insults and/or drives away partners friends and family
• Takes car keys and/or money away
• Abuses pets to hurt partner
• Manipulates partner with lies or contradictions
• Regularly threatens to leave or tells partner to leave
• Ridicules partners most valued beliefs: religion, race, heritage or class
• Ignores partners feelings
• Punishes children when angry with partner
• Withholds approval, appreciation or affection as punishment

Dynamics of Domestic Violence and Elements of Emotional Abuse

• Continually citizens, calls names, or shouts at partner
• Insults and/or drives away partners friends and family
• Takes car keys and/or money away
• Abuses pets to hurt partner
• Manipulates partner with lies or contradictions
• Regularly threatens to leave or tells partner to leave
• Ridicules partners most valued beliefs: religion, race, heritage or class
• Ignores partners feelings
• Punishes children when angry with partner withholds approval, appreciation or affection as punishment

Safety Plan

*******Copies of different types of safety plans are linked below. Please keep in a safe location so your abuser does not find.  

Safety plans can be made for a variety of situations: for dealing with an emergency, such as when you are threatened with a physical assault or an assault has occurred; for continuing to live with or to date a partner who has been abusive; or for protecting yourself after you have ended a relationship with an abusive partner.

Use what you already know

If you are a battered woman, you probably know more about safety planning and risk assessment that you might realize. Being in a relationship with an abusive partner – and surviving – requires considerable skill and resourcefulness. Any time you do or say something as a way to protect yourself or your children, you are assessing risk and enacting a safety plan. You do it all the time it’s just not always a conscious process.

Think it through

It can be a helpful safety strategy to evaluate risks and make safety plans in a more intentional way. Whether you are currently with your partner or have ended the relationship, and whether you choose to use the available services system or to involve the police, there are certain things that are helpful to consider in planning for your future safety.

Be aware of dangers

If you are planning to leave your partner or already have left, be aware that batterers often escalate their violence during times of separation, increasing your risk for harm, including serious and life-threatening injury. Making a separation safety plan can help reduce the risks to you and your children.

Evaluate your options

Only you can judge whom it’s safe to tell about your situation and who to ask for help. Sometimes, people who don’t have good information about domestic violence respond to battered women in ways that aren’t helpful, even when they mean well. On the other hand, you might feel comfortable asking help from someone you know.  It’s your decision. The important thing is for you to identify all the people who might be willing and able to help you. Make a list of their phone numbers and attach it to your safety plan for easy reference.

Plan ahead

You don’t have to wait for an emergency to ask for help. In fact, it’s a good idea to talk to people who can help before there’s a crisis. Find out what they are willing and able to do for you. That way, you’ll know in advance if you have a place to stay, a source of financial assistance, or a safe person to keep copies of important papers.

Reduce your risk

No battered woman has control over her partner’s violence, but women can and do find ways to reduce their risk of harm. This safety plan is a tool to assist you in identifying options, evaluating those options, and committing to a plan to reduce your risk when confronted with the threat of harm or with actual harm. There’s no right or wrong way to develop a safety plan. Use what applies or change it to reflect your particular situation. Make it your own, than review it regularly and make changes as needed.

Below are some safety plans that might help you. 

I am choosing to stay - Staying.docx(DOCX, 14KB)

I am choosing to leave - Leaving.docx(DOCX, 13KB)

I have left , now what? Left-Now-What.docx(DOCX, 15KB)

As a victim you have the right to know be informed about your case. The following are a few links that might be able to help you. 

If you are still not finding the information that you are looking for or you would like more of an explanation, please do not hesitate calling the Belton Police Department's Victim Advocate at 816-348-4430